I’ve been a passenger in many cars/buses/trains in Europe, so I feel pretty qualified to say that most drivers in Austin are NOT crazy. However, many are exceedingly annoying. These are some common drivers I see in Austin:
The “They must be rushing to the emergency room”- You’re on a one-lane road with a marked speed limit of 35 mph. You are going 38, and this car is flashing his lights, darting back and forth trying to find a millisecond in which to claim the front of the car procession, and maybe giving polite little honks that stop being polite very quickly. Their cars should be red to alert people that there is an impatient driver in the car. And better throw in some flashing lights, just for good measure.
The Stroller– If a driver could mosey, this is how they would do it. These drivers just go at their own speed, watch the world go by, and consider speed limits to be something that should not be neared, except in a life-threatening emergency. This is the sort of driver that you sort of admire. Wouldn’t it be nice to have nowhere that you have to be until Sunday? Then you realize that you’re about to be late for your appointment that you definitely left ample time for and start making un-ladylike remarks. These cars should be sky blue with a little lawn chair and margarita painted on the back.
The Saint– These drivers let every car into the lane in front of them. They are generous to a fault. And I really mean a fault. Now, letting merging traffic in is the courteous and right thing to do. But it should be a 1:1 trade off. Saints are in no hurry to get home, are enjoying the break from having their foot on the gas, or just don’t have guts. Their cars should be the color of the pearly gates.
The Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater– This is the driver that, although it is plain that the lane is ending and all previous cars have merged lanes some while back, will race to the front and then just sit stock still until a Saint lets them in. They are obviously more important than everyone else and do not have the ability to wait in traffic like us little people. These cars should be orange.
The Space Cadet– The space cadet is the person who, by personality or use of a mobile device, is completely oblivious to the world around him. You’ve got your turn signal on and they are in an exit lane? Wait? What? You wanted to get over? Oh… sorry. You can take the next exit. They would be a celestial purple color. But they don’t really need a color do they? They can easily be spotted as the ones who have had their turn signal on for miles, with no apparent interest in turning, changing lanes, or pulling over.
The Waverer– The waverer has good intentions. She wants to let you in. She just doesn’t know whether to speed up or slow down in order to give you the best chance of getting over. So you end up playing this silly game in which you both speed up, realize that you’re both speeding up, and then both independently slow down, and then…..it goes on and on. These cars should be painted two different colors.
Now, the colors on these cars could be put on in several ways. 1) When people go to buy a new car, they would have to take a driving test and get assigned a color if need be. BUT, this allows them to fake it on the driving exam, and carry on as usual after the have their car. 2) Give drivers black cars and paint ball guns. When they see one of these drivers, they merely shoot the car with the color designated. If you see someone with a bunch of red dots, you know…
Any other ideas for how to put on the alert paint or drivers that I missed?